According to Tilly

Back by Popular Demand

2011-08-28T10:17:00.000-07:00

Sleepy June

I can find your lips by heart
in the dark
if I close my eyes.
It's not too hard--

if I slip my arms around your
nautical shoulders
when I felt bolder
It's not too much

to ask if I slide my legs
with a sigh
and entangle them with your thighs
What if

I had one wish
crossed my fingers at 11:11
as a star flew by
and the candles blew out

I'd ask for you to be
whispering with me in between
these sheets that have only known me

Big spoon, little spoon
no cow, but definitely the moon
Now he is in awe of us, two
Take me back to Green

in my dreams
to a neat little town
behind the moon,
beyond the rain
Strings of lyrics now
unstrung and restrung
strumming a lullaby
as I f a d e a w a y
to sleep
where I'll be seeing you.

I liked this quote today.

2011-08-02T14:38:00.001-07:00

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go. Things go wrong so that you can learn to appreciate them when they're right. You believe lies so that you can learn to trust no one but yourself. And sometimes things fall apart so that better things can fall together."

A Word to the Wise

2011-06-29T21:51:00.001-07:00

I've gotten pretty good at cutting people out of my life who have hurt me: my count is up to four to date. What does this say about me? If someone really knew me, I think they would say that it means that I have been too open, too trusting, too naive with people that I don't know from Adam. In the past, I have welcomed unknown people with open arms and allowed them to get to know me deep down before I really knew if they were trustworthy. I have served up my heart on a platter for them to do with what they choose, friends and romantic interests alike. Four of these people turned around and either handed it right back to me, or proceeded to stomp on it and hurt me deeply.

Going forward, I know now that I should be less naive about the ways of the world. I think that it's good to take risks, but it's also healthy to reevaluate those risks and take a step back. It's worthwhile to be a little cautious in making new friendships and forging new relationships, because what do you really know about these people, anyway? Going forward, it is important to remember that people can talk a big game, but I should let their actions speak for who they truly are. I want to remember to go with what my gut feelings tell me, because they are more often right than not. I shouldn't let fear of getting hurt again rule my interactions with the world, but I also should not throw caution to the wind.

High School Poetry: Part Trois

2011-06-29T17:34:00.000-07:00

Dance of the Memory Kittens

her pink nose twitches.

the scent of your sweet cologne

permeates her nostrils.

the minuscule rosebud points to heaven

sniffing around in the dark for you.

fluffy white puff balls

bat the black yarn back and forth

pounding the inside of my skull,

a taunting metronome

pulsing your name:

a bitter waltz.

one, two, three

Dance of the memory

kittens

cloaked in the black silky strands

that my fingers once caressed.

the pads of their feet,

soft,

freckled,

your skin.

c'est tout.

I applaud

but the kittens will give no encore,

their mouths pursed in the same way

your tender lips once were when your face

fa d e d a w a y

into the dark recesses of my mind.

my fingers reach out

slowly, gently, so as not to alarm,

not to disturb their steady purring,

the droning stream of prickly memories.

Just one touch will surely

smooth their coarse manes.

But those fickle felines

with their fickle hearts

elude my grasp which proves too harsh.

High School Poetry: Part Deux

2011-06-29T17:28:00.000-07:00

You Are Now Entering the Supermarket Zone

It is freezing in here!
It's
summer and I'm wearing two
sweatshirts
inside this ice box that is
literally hell
frozen over.

I'm nowhere near the frozen food section.

The incessant ding of this
cash register that
never fails to
shut down
in the middle of a
HUGE purchase
is driving me
up the Metfood wall.

It's 3:00. I close at nine.

Today, a blue haired lady
turned the same shade while
yelling at me for ringing up
cucumbers instead of zucchini.
I'd tell ya where you can put your
green vegetable, lady, if only I could
while keeping this friendly smile
plastered on my face.
See? Have a nice day!

$5.50 an hour for this? Might as well get nothing.

I'm squinting.
But no sunlight can penetrate this cave
filled to the brim with packaged,
processed, why-don't-they-just-chew-it-for-you-too
quotation-mark-food-quotation-mark.
Oh, wait.
It's just the fluorescent lighting
reflecting off the shiny surface
of my boss's bald head.
The same boss who waves me
out into the pouring rain
to retrieve shopping carts
at 8:00 on Sunday night.

No one is going to need one.

There's a line
out the door
to jump into my spot.
Why would anyone subject
herself to this?
I didn't even get paid
for my training.
You know what,
that's it.
I'm throwing in the towel,
hanging up my apron,
grease stains and all
for the very last time.
Screw you, baldy!
I'm going to work at
Pizza Heaven.

High School Poetry: Part Une

2011-06-29T17:22:00.000-07:00

Whateverosis

Unzip the zipper of your sternum
and step outside.
Examine your soul,
black with the smoke
and cheap beer you feed it;
An emaciated child
from Ethiopia
starving
for your repentance
for absolution
for His big O.K.

His ribs stick out
stretching the skin
over his gaunt torso,
the chaste bones itching to
perforate their leathery package
of sin wrap and false foil.
The outline of his teeth indent
his sunken cheeks;
He's a shadow of who he used to be,
a mere sketch
of who he was to become.

Now unbutton the skull.
Grab hold of your potential,
or what's left of that
bruised, rotten
apple
once a shiny crimson,
alive.
Teachers, friends, even I
glanced up at the healthy
tree of that mind,
saw its shiny promise,
wanted to climb up, snatch it
taste it, greedy for a purpose
pure and uncorrupted.

What has caused
this plague of your body,
diseased from the inside,
seeping corrupted pus
through your orifices
to form invisible boils
on your skin?
What has caused this
acute maturation of
apathy?

This cancer
infects more young people than HIV,
causes dazed, half-opened eyes,
slouching,
a shuffling, sauntering step
and a lethargic demeanor
which saturates the air;
You're a human garbage dump
and I can smell you from here.

Unexpected Blessings

2011-05-21T17:53:00.000-07:00

You never know when blessings are coming. They are usually right around the corner and take you by blissful surprise! Keep patiently waiting for the amazing.

Dream Quashers, Be Gone!

2011-05-20T14:12:00.000-07:00

Hey, you. Yeah, you, I'm talking to you, there, fellow dreamer. I want to remind you of one important thing: as the legendary 80's rock band, Journey once said, don't stop believing. All your life, there are going to be people who, for one reason or another, try to stand in the way of you and your dreams. Maybe they're jealous of your youth, your lust for life, your unadulterated promise. Maybe they are jealous of your youthful idealism, your untainted passion. Maybe they are intimidated by your intelligence, your competence, your skillfulness at what you do. Maybe they are scared that you are going to take their job. Whatever it is, DO NOT listen to these naysayers! They are only trying to bring you down and hold you back from being your greatest. Just keep on plugging away at trying to reach your dream and trying to be the best whatever it is that you want to be. Stay true to what you know to be true, what you know is right. Don't even listen to that little voice inside your own head that says that you can't, you won't, you couldn't possibly achieve your dreams and do your best. That little voice that Anne Lamott termed our own personal radio K-FKD. Just tune out the negativity as best you can and stay true to yourself. It may take time and practice to do so, but don't give up. You can do anything that you set your mind to if you believe in yourself, that you CAN and you WILL do it. Go get 'em, tigers!

Update

2011-05-15T16:40:00.000-07:00

So I am about halfway done with my Master's degree at Hunter College in Deaf and Hard of Hearing Education grades K-12, with a dual certification in regular education grades 1-6. I have 25 credits under my belt and another 33 to go! I am taking three summer classes, so that will knock out another 8 credits. It's been a stressful and chock full semester, but I made it through. I even got a job as a teaching assistant this summer at the school for the Deaf that I have been volunteering at all year. Hooray! Things are looking up. Going for my teaching assistant certification, and then my teacher's certification. I hope to graduate by May or August of 2012. Not that I want to rush through my Master's, but I am eager to get into the classroom and teach, already. Two more finals to go this semester, and I will be done May 23rd. No rest for the weary--it will be a busy summer. Looking forward to it!

Signed,
The Energizer Bunny

P.S. GO YANKEES!

I Can Has Internetz Video?

2011-04-30T18:39:00.000-07:00

This is what happens when I am left to my own devices on a Saturday night. I obviously can't be trusted. Oh, wellz. I am on the interwebz making singing debut! ROFLMAO OMGSTFU.

Bon Voyage!

2011-04-20T10:00:00.000-07:00

I've been talking with my friend Karin about possibly doing an EF College Break trip to London and Paris over New Year's 2012. We wanted to go to Ireland, too, so maybe we will plan the trip independently because she has a lot of family there. It might be cheaper if we plan it ourselves. But the EF College Break is really cool because it is all-inclusive: the price includes hotel, airfare, a 24-hour tour guide, entrance to museums and special attractions, and one meal a day. It doesn't include lunch or dinner, drinks (obviously), or shopping. So, if I'm not broke by that time, we may go.

My mom and I also discussed going to Italy together the summer after I graduate and get my master's degree. I was thinking something along the lines of an Adriana Trigiani tour, since we read all of her books, love Adriana, and would love to see the sites on the tour (think Rome, Amalfi Coast, Capri, or Florence, Tuscany, Arezzo, and Pisa). That's an even more expensive one, though! I guess after I went to Ireland, I caught a little bit of the travel bug. But there's worse things, right? Just don't ask my bank account...

More stamps on my passaporto, per favore!

Trash Talk

2011-04-08T16:26:00.000-07:00

Alec Baldwin: Hello, John.

John Krasinski: Hey, quick question: are you a Phillies fan now, since you guys couldn't get Cliff Lee, and he went to Philadelphia for less money?

Alec Baldwin: First of all, Yankee fans don't consider Philadelphia to be a legitimate sports town, John, you know that.

John Krasinski: I'm worried for you. Are you prepared for what's coming? It's going to be the worst misery you've ever experienced in the history of this rivalry.

Alec Baldwin: John, John, John, for the last time, this is not a rivalry. Just like fire doesn’t have a rivalry with kindling, lawn mowers don’t have a rivalry with grass, America doesn’t have a rivalry with Costa Rica.

John Krasinski: (forced laughter) Ha, ha, ha. Lemme ask you something, seriously though. How are you a Yankees fan at all? It’s like being a huge fan of fascism.

Alec Baldwin: No, it’s like being a huge fan of winning—which we do—relentlessly.

John Krasinski: Pfft, not this year, man. Not this year.

Alec Baldwin: Cla-ssic Red Sox fan. Go ahead, celebrate in April—we’ll dance in October.

John Krasinski: You will be dead in October!

Alec Baldwin: ….

John Krasinski: …Was that a little too much?

Alec Baldwin: I think you know it was.

John Krasinski: Sorry, I just got—really worked up.

Alec Baldwin: (beat) We all do.

Campfire Song Songs

2011-04-07T17:23:00.000-07:00

Once a camp counselor, always a camp counselor.

The Cannibal King
Theeeeeee Cannibal King
with the big nose ring
fell in love with the dusty ma-a-aid
and every night
in the pale moon light
across the lake he ca-a-ame
He hugged and he kissed
his pretty little miss
in the shade of the bamboo tre-e-ee
and every night
in the pale moon light
it sounded like this to me-e-e
BA RUMP (smooch smooch) BA RUMP (smooch smooch)
BA RUMP BADI YADI AY-AY-AY
BA RUMP (smooch smooch) BA RUMP (smooch smooch)
BA RUMP BADI YADI AY-AY-AY

We'll build a bungalo big enough for two
big enough for two, my honey, big enough for two
Then when we're married, happy we'll be
under the bamboo, under the bamboo tree
If you'll be M-I-N-E mine,
I'll be T-H-I-N-E thine
and I'll L-O-V-E love you
all the T-I-M-E time
You are the B-E-S-T best
of all the R-E-S-T rest
and I'll L-O-V-E love you
all the T-I-M-E time

Match in the gas tank, BOOM BOOM!
Love in the moon light, WHOO WHOO!
Skunk in the cellar, P U!

Camp St. Joseph's Song
I go to camp St. Joseph's, pity me
There's not a man in the vicinity!
And every night at 9, they lock the doors
I don't know what the heck I ever came here for
I'm gonna pack my bags and homeward bound
I'm gonna turn this camp right upside down
I'm gonna smoke and drink and neck and peck so what the heck--
The heck with the whole damn camp!

Camp Anchor Bus Classics:
- The Green Grass Grows All Around
- Baby Shark Song
- Treasure Chest Song
- I Am A Pizza Song
- The Wheels on the Bus
- Down By The Bay

Esperanza Rising

2011-04-06T08:44:00.000-07:00

I am required to do a children's literature review that involves three author studies for my Developmental Reading class. Originally, I picked Maya Angelou for the author of the two novels I must include, but her writing seemed a little above-level in terms of difficulty of text as well as content for K-6 readers. So I instead picked Pam Muñoz Ryan, who wrote Esperanza Rising and Becoming Naomi León. I'm currently reading Esperanza Rising, which begins in Mexico in 1924 right before the Great Depression, and right before the harvest of the grapes from Esperanza's family vineyard that always coincides with her birthday. Her father is tragically killed by a group of bandits on the eve of her 13th birthday. But more tradgedy follows for Esperanza and her family; her power-hungry uncle sets fire to their ranch home and vineyards when her mother refuses to marry him, and left with nothing, they must flee to America. One quote resonated with me so far:

       Abuelita squeezed Esperanza's hand. "Do not be afraid to start over. When I was your age, I left Spain with my mother, father, and sisters. A Mexican official had offered my father a job here in Mexico. So we came. We had to take several ships and the journey lasted months. When we arrived, nothing was as promised. There were many hard times. But life was also exciting. And we had each other. Esperanza, do you remember the story of the phoenix, the lovely young bird that is reborn from its own ashes?"
       Esperanza nodded. Abuelita had read it to her many times from a book of myths.
       "We are like the phoenix," said Abuelita. "Rising again, with a new life ahead of us."

Awesome 90s Games

2011-04-02T14:58:00.000-07:00

Just for fun. Remember these?

Simon, the tricky reflex tester. I happen to have the reflexes of a panther, so I always did well in this game. I was wondering the other day if this game would have been easier if there were no sound? Beep, boop, womp womp!

Something tells me that many a fingertip was taken off playing this old 90s past-time. Good times, good times.

"You'll get caught up in the, Crossfire! Crossfire! CROSS FIYAAHHH!!" This game wins the best-theme-song-for-a-board-game award. Kudos to you, Crossfire. Thanks for starting many a fight between me and my brother. This one's for you.

Yeah, I collected Pogs. I'm not sure why--sort of like that Tamigotchi phase. We just sort of did it without thinking, wanted it because we were told to want it. Oh, American advertisers--you're good at your job. I think I witnessed someone actually playing with Pogs two times, max. All I remember doing was looking at my collection on end. Weird.

"Segaaaa." Oh, game gear. How many hours I wasted trying to beat Sonic the Hedgehog on you. That's the only game I ever played, except trying and failing at Sonic II. Gooood times.

This last one's not really related to 90s games. But I wonder if any places in the 80s/90s actually looked like The Max from Saved by the Bell, a show I watched entirely too much of. If so, I hope they have already burned to the ground. The lameness is astounding. How did anyone ever think this was cool (or am I the only loser who thought so)?!

And we end with the 90s in one picture. Fresh to the death.

Edward Estlin Cummings was Beautiful.

2011-03-27T18:09:00.000-07:00

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in

my heart)i am never without it(anywhere

i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done

by only me is your doing,my darling)

——————————————————— i fear

no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want

no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)

and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows

higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart) -e.e. cummings

Oh! The Places You'll Go!

2011-03-23T09:17:00.000-07:00

Never give up. Never lose hope. Be thankful and persevere. Be positive at all times. Find the good in all things. Look up. Everything will be alright.

Oh! The Places You’ll Go!
by the incomparable Dr. Seuss
Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You’re off to Great Places!
You’re off and away!

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself any direction you choose.
You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the guy who’ll decide where to go.

You’ll look up and down streets. Look’em over with care. About some you will say, “I don’t choose to go there.” With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet, you’re too smart to go down a not-so-good street.

And you may not find any you’ll want to go down. In that case, of course, you’ll head straight out of town. It’s opener there in the wide open air.

Out there things can happen and frequently do to people as brainy and footsy as you.

And when things start to happen, don’t worry. Don’t stew. Just go right along. You’ll start happening too.

Oh! The Places You’ll Go!

You’ll be on your way up!
You’ll be seeing great sights!
You’ll join the high fliers who soar to high heights.

You won’t lag behind, because you’ll have the speed. You’ll pass the whole gang and you’ll soon take the lead. Wherever you fly, you’ll be best of the best. Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.

Except when you don’t.
Because, sometimes, you won’t.

I’m sorry to say so but, sadly, it’s true that Bang-ups and Hang-ups can happen to you.

You can get all hung up in a prickle-ly perch. And your gang will fly on. You’ll be left in a Lurch.

You’ll come down from the Lurch with an unpleasant bump. And the chances are, then, that you’ll be in a Slump.

And when you’re in a Slump, you’re not in for much fun. Un-slumping yourself is not easily done.

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked. Some windows are lighted. But mostly they’re darked. A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin! Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in? How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And if you go in, should you turn left or right…or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite? Or go around back and sneak in from behind? Simple it’s not, I’m afraid you will find, for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.

You can get so confused that you’ll start in to race down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space, headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.

The Waiting Place…for people just waiting.

Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go or the mail to come, or the rain to go or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow or waiting around for a Yes or No or waiting for their hair to grow. Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for wind to fly a kite or waiting around for Friday night or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake or a pot to boil, or a Better Break or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants or a wig with curls, or Another Chance. Everyone is just waiting.

No! That’s not for you!
Somehow you’ll escape all that waiting and staying. You’ll find the bright places where Boom Bands are playing. With banner flip-flapping, once more you’ll ride high! Ready for anything under the sky. Ready because you’re that kind of a guy!

Oh, the places you’ll go! There is fun to be done! There are points to be scored. There are games to be won. And the magical things you can do with that ball will make you the winning-est winner of all. Fame! You’ll be famous as famous can be, with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.

Except when they don’t. Because, sometimes, they won’t.

I’m afraid that some times you’ll play lonely games too. Games you can’t win ‘cause you’ll play against you.

All Alone!
Whether you like it or not, Alone will be something you’ll be quite a lot.

And when you’re alone, there’s a very good chance you’ll meet things that scare you right out of your pants. There are some, down the road between hither and yon, that can scare you so much you won’t want to go on.

But on you will go though the weather be foul. On you will go though your enemies prowl. On you will go though the Hakken-Kraks howl. Onward up many a frightening creek, though your arms may get sore and your sneakers may leak. On and on you will hike. And I know you’ll hike far and face up to your problems whatever they are.

You’ll get mixed up, of course, as you already know. You’ll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go. So be sure when you step. Step with care and great tact and remember that Life’s a Great Balancing Act. Just never forget to be dexterous and deft. And never mix up your right foot with your left.

And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and ¾ percent guaranteed.)

Kid, you’ll move mountains!
So…be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray or Mordecai Ale Van Allen O’Shea, you’re off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So…get on your way!

Sunflower Sunshower

2011-03-22T05:31:00.000-07:00

If I was a flower growing wild and free, all I'd want is you to be my sweet honey bee, and if I was a tree growing tall and green, all I'd want is you to shade me and be my leaves.
-- Barry Louis Polisar

Wonderful Town

2011-03-06T09:43:00.000-08:00

I wrote this about a year ago, when I was trying to re-find myself again. So much has changed since then, but the most important things haven't.

New York: What's Not to Love?

1. The way the buildings shine and glint in the sunlight.
2. The shape of the skyline and the overlapping buildings, forming a stairway to the sky.
3. The way the buildings light up at night, like fireflies trapped in a jar.
4. How frightening and humbling it is to gaze up to the top spires of St. Patrick's Cathedral
5. Going to Rock Center during Christmastime to see The Tree
6. The big department stores like Macy's, Bloomingdale's, and Lord & Taylor, that seem to be out of another time
7. The way the steam billows out of the manholes and subway grates, creating a smokey romantic look
8. The way you get on the subway and are surrounded by a melting pot of people, who can all live, work, and peacefully co-exist (for the most part)
9. The subway system--its speed and character. How you just dont make eye contact with people, let alone strike up a conversation. It's just not done!
10. Performers in the subway
11. ice skating in Bryant Park
12. the way people walk down the street with a purpose and a drive, always in a hurry
13. The way Times Square lights up the night like broad day light
14. The fact that there is always something going on, Broadway shows, plays, concerts, dancing, athletic events, etc.
15. the diversity of restaurants at your fingertips
16. the plethora of museums and art galleries
17. that the city never sleeps...there's always something open, even at 4 in the morning
18. we got the best pizza, the best bagels, and the best cannolis around
19. a distinctive accent
20. the best team in baseball--The New York Yankees!!!!!!!!
21. The fact that there is always a chance that you will have a celebrity sighting
22. reading the humongous billboards when you drive in or out of the city
23. the way it feels to zoom through the Lincoln tunnel. I love those lights
24. the sound of the city never stops--it's alive with people, cars, trucks, trains, horns, sirens, hustle and bustle
25. the grid--you can always figure out where you are and where you've got to go
26. Little Italy and the San Gennaro festival in the summer
27. Greenwich Village
28. Penn Station
29. Grand Central Station
30. Madison Square Garden
31. Chinatown
32. Hell's Kitchen
33. The outer boroughs
34. The Staten Island Ferry
35. Central Park
36. The Central Park zoo
37. Columbia University
38. how tourists and slow-walkers will make your blood pressure shoot up to dangerous levels
39. Museum of Natural History
40. Where the hell is the Original Ray's Pizza and why do we care so much?
41. It's hard to get a bad slice of pizza
42. Finding out little secrets hidden away, like a hole-in-the-wall Mexican restaurant that has great food and even better margaritas (Benny's!) or the fact that in certain places of Grand Central Station, you can stand and whisper into a corner and someone canl hear you across the room if they stand in a certain spot.
43. That nowhere else is going to be New York, and you know it when you go.
44. Lincoln Center
45. going to a game at Yankee Stadium, Citi Field, or Keyspan Park
46. walking across the The Brooklyn Bridge
47. Coney Island: the Cyclone, the Wonderwheel, the boardwalk, the Original Nathan's, and the Aquarium
48. the surprising kindness of strangers if you do ask for directions...and the rest of the people on the train who chime in to give you a better way to go
49. the impatience that is ingrained in this city
50. breathing a sigh of relief whenever I see the skyline again coming back into New York whenever I leave, and wondering why the hell I ever left.

Take Chances.

2011-03-06T08:58:00.001-08:00

Written on a Starbucks cup:

I used to feel so alone in the city.

All those gazillions of people and

then me, on the outside. Because

how do you meet a new person?

I was very stumped by this for many

years. And then I realized, you just

say, "Hi." They may ignore you. Or

you may marry them. And that

possibility is worth that one word.

--Augusten Burroughs,

author of Running With Scissors

It will decide everything.

2011-02-15T20:27:00.000-08:00

"Nothing is more practical than finding God, that is, than falling in love in a quite absolute, final way. What you are in love with, what seizes your imagination, will affect everything. It will decide what will get you out of bed in the morning, what you do with your evenings, how you spend your weekends, what you read, who you know, what breaks your heart, and what amazes you with joy and gratitude. Fall in love, stay in love, and it will decide everything."

Pedro Arrupe, S.J.

I really like this song and these lyrics

2011-02-15T13:58:00.000-08:00

Lullaby for a Stormy Night - Vienna Teng

little child, be not afraid
though rain pounds harshly against the glass
like an unwanted stranger, there is no danger
I am here tonight

little child, be not afraid
though thunder explodes and lightning flash
illuminates your tear-stained face
I am here tonight

and someday you'll know
that nature is so
the same rain that draws you near me
falls on rivers and land
on forests and sand
makes the beautiful world that you'll see
in the morning

little child, be not afraid
though storm clouds mask your beloved moon
and its candlelight beams, still keep pleasant dreams
I am here tonight

little child, be not afraid
though wind makes creatures of our trees
and their branches to hands, they're not real, understand
and I am here tonight

and someday you'll know
that nature is so
the same rain that draws you near me
falls on rivers and land
on forests and sand
makes the beautiful world that you'll see
in the morning

for you know, once even I was a
little child, and I was afraid
but a gentle someone always came
to dry all my tears, trade sweet sleep for fears
and to give a kiss goodnight

well now I am grown
and these years have shown
that rain's a part of how life goes
but it's dark and it's late
so I'll hold you and wait
'til your frightened eyes do close

and I hope that you'll know

that nature is so
the same rain that draws you near me
falls on rivers and land
on forests and sand
makes the beautiful world that you'll see
in the morning

everything's fine in the morning
the rain'll be gone in the morning
but I'll still be here in the morning

Shine Brightly

2011-01-03T20:37:00.000-08:00

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness that frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are we not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small doesn’t serve the world.
There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It’s not just in some of us, it’s in everyone.
And as we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fears, our presence automatically liberates others.

Source: A Return to Love, by Marianne Williamson, as quoted by Nelson Mandela in his inaugural speech, 1994

Mortality

2011-01-03T20:28:00.000-08:00

It means that you can never give up—

People are counting on you

People love you and need yours in return.

It means that you must never give up—

No matter how much it hurts

Or how hard it gets.

It means that you’ve got to live your life

To its absolute limit,

Its fullest capacity,

Until you think you might pop,

Bursting with alive like a hot air balloon.

You’ve got to live it for Kaitlin

And Tim Sharkey

And Jamie and Paige and Mike

Because they won’t get another chance.

It means you must never let your light flicker

Or dim—never let it extinguish.

You must always be your most

Brilliant, vibrant, wonderful, terrific

Terrible, awesome, unexplainable

Self!

Because you’re alive!

Because you’ve got shoes on your feet

And feet in your shoes!

Breath in your lungs!

Teeth in your mouth! A brain in your head!

Lovely eyes to take in

the lovely world all around you

and lips to be thankful

for every last
speck
of
dust.

What is this life we’re given?

We’re not meant to know—

The answers are not here,

Not in any concrete way.

But it means you must hold on with every last

Ounce of strength you can muster

To this
this life, this breath, this moment

Because you don’t know when it’ll suddenly—

Terrifyingly— much too soon— irrevocably— be

gone.

Rest in peace, Kaitlin Kenneally. The world is much dimmer without your light shining brightly.

Demons

2010-10-18T07:39:00.000-07:00

We all have our own personal demons that we struggle with. Maybe it's depression, alcoholism, or unemployment. Maybe it's a lost love, low self-worth, or poor self-image. Maybe it's worry about a family member, terminal illness, or a chronic ache of some kind. We all struggle with something, with some source of negativity in our lives. It is how we react to it, how we deal with those demons that matters. We can allow it to take over our lives and totally consume us, or we can learn to be positive and find the good out of any situation. We can wallow in despair, or we can rise above. We can focus on the love in our lives, rather than on negative feelings. Who loves you? Your family, your friends, your coworkers, your classmates, your neighbors, your spiritual community members. We can focus on the ways in which we are blessed. What are the good things that happened to you today, this week, this month, this year? What are you looking forward to in the coming days, weeks, months, years? What are your goals? How can you make those goals come to fruition?

Everyone has bad days, or a day in which everything that can go wrong seems to go wrong. But those days end, Mondays eventually become Tuesdays, and tomorrow is as full of possibility and light "as moonlight in a martini" (to quote Moonstruck, my go-to flick when I'm feeling blue). So chin up--everything is temporary!

Eye Dropping on the 1 Train

2010-09-20T16:48:00.000-07:00

Something interesting usually happens during my commute to and from Manhattan each day, most often on the subway. Last week, it was a brawl between two silly peacocks who ruffled each others' feathers. Way too much testosterone in one crowded car. Today, I finally saw two people having a conversation in Sign Language from across the subway car! I've seen it happen on the LIRR, but never on the subway. It was really cool.

I was trying not to eye drop (i.e. eve's drop on a signed conversation) and avoid being rude. But since I was far away from the two men, I took a peek or seventy-two. I was kind of bummed because I didn't understand a whole lot of what they were saying. They were signing so rapidly and I was not familiar with many of the signs. I understood some of it, but I guess that would be even more rude to document it here.

Hopefully, my sign language vocabulary and ASL skills (grammar, expression, word-order) will improve. I'm taking American Sign Language I at Hunter College, and we are required to not only do 20 hours of observation in a school for the Deaf, but we are also required to attend two "Deaf events." Anyone want to practice with me? Here's hoping!

Change of Plans

2010-08-29T11:51:00.000-07:00

How will people's stories change in this day and age? In a forgotten age, people's stories were, "We met on the subway," or at a school dance, or "I saw her walking down the street and she was the most beautiful thing I ever saw." Then it changed to, "We met in a coffee shop," or "He sat down next to me at a play," or "I dropped my pencil in class, and before we knew it, we started talking and couldn't stop." Perhaps you'll meet at a bar or through an internet dating site. Will someday, people meet through liking videos on Facebook?

This video was interesting. Do you like it? Tell me on Facebook. ;P

Anchor Your Heart

2010-07-22T06:57:00.000-07:00

“So I know that we all want to live right and we all want to do the right thing and we’re all trying to figure out what that is. But you know mainly I think it’s important that we look after each other and look after the people we love. Because… every once in a while you hear these little stories that’ll just break your heart. And yesterday, these two sisters, Jamie and Paige, were driving with a friend of theirs, Michael, to go to work at a camp, to work with these kids, and they died in their car. And it’s just like, you know, that it happens so fast all the time, and you never say the right thing at the right time, but maybe we should all try to speak our minds as if it’s the last thing we’re ever gonna say, and say things to the people we love like it’s the last thing we’re ever gonna ...get to say to them, and maybe it would make the world work out a little bit better if we thought like that a bit more. Anyway, my condolences to those who lost.”
~ Dave Matthews, Citifield, 7/16/10

Rest in peace, Jamie, Paige, and Michael.

At the Bottom of a Cup of Tea? Patience.

2010-07-14T18:26:00.000-07:00

Originally posted on Blogher January 7, 2010:

While brewing some tea, I realized it was my grandmother who tried to teach me patience with a cup of the stuff. I am a person who wants everything yesterday, which explains why it took so long to understand the lesson. Perhaps a cup of tea each day will bring greater revelation, drop by drop.

I still miss her, even though she's been gone almost seven years. She passed away after losing a battle with Emphysema. My grandmother smoked her whole life, despite serving as the main cantor and psalmist at my parish church, celebrating weekly services and other special masses. Her greatest hits were "On Eagle's Wings" and "Be Not Afraid." Every time I hear those hymns, I get all verklempt. And during a funeral? Fuhgeddaboudit.

My grandmother had a beautiful soprano voice, although I cannot remember how each note and cadence sounded. Members of my community continue to approach my family to tell us how they miss her warm presence. Not only a stunning woman, my grandmother also possessed an infectious aura that drew many to her side. She made people feel at ease when she spoke to them. Even if she did not remember your name, she would call you "Hon" or "Love," and you felt as if she had known you for your entire life. Of course, I'm quite sure that she always remembered my name. She called dogs "Pussycat" and once owned a cat named "Dog." It was just her special way.

Despite how much I miss my grandmother, especially during mass, I cherish fond memories of her. I resurrected one particular memory while brewing a cup of green tea on a frigid January night. It's often said that a watched pot never boils, yet there I stood, impatiently waiting to drink some nice warm tea, already. I crossed my arms and sighing, thought of the minutes in the near future when I would be forced to wait even further for the tea to steep. What an inconvenience! Forget about my new year's resolution and earnest prayers for patience and peace in my life: I wanted my tea and I wanted it now!

Then a voice whispered in my ear: "Caitlin, the best things come to those who wait." Or maybe it was "Patience is a virtue, Love." Either way, I felt the pang of some healthy Catholic guilt, then the dull ache of missing my grandmother. Only at that moment did a spark of remembrance happen and I finally smiled.

My grandmother, the President of the Women's Club a.k.a. The Most High Queen of the Old Ladies, had invited my mother and I to the Annual Tea Luncheon at the VFW Hall. I was only eight--I not only hated the bitter taste of coffee and tea (blech), but I felt uncomfortable around these sickly-sweet-smelling, blue-haired women. I resisted my gag reflex as I bit into an egg salad tea sandwich. My grandmother did not notice my discomfort, however. She just proudly beamed at her daughters and granddaughters yakking at the table. She demonstrated how to steep the tea (dunk, a-dunk, a-dunk) and cautioned not to put milk in my raspberry tea or it would curdle. When I lifted the cup to take my first sip, I copied her raised pinky, hoping to one day be as elegant as she. I soon remembered one of the reasons I hated tea: it burns your tongue! My cursed impatience to wait for my tea to properly steep and cool resulted in an inability to use my taste buds for the next few days.

As I stood over the stove, almost fifteen years since that day at the Luncheon, a light bulb switched on. I laughed at my eight-year-old self that I still managed to ressemble at 22. I finally understood my grandmother's lesson. Hurry up and wait. If you rush it, you'll get burned. Be patient in all things in life, but especially for your tea to cool. My grandmother somehow continues to teach me lessons about life, about family, and about what really matters. I am not always perfect (or patient), but I am always, always thankful.

Snippet II

2010-07-14T07:00:00.001-07:00

I want you to fall desperately, hopelessly, and tirelessly in love, always. To be in love is a great thing. Sometimes it hurts, but then you learn from it. Sometimes it is absolutely out-of-this-world wonderful and nothing can touch you. Either way, it is always worth it. Seek to experience love at least once in your life than never at all. Search for love. Wait for love. Be patient with love. Ask love to come sit in your heart. Be brave and open your heart to love. It is the only transcendental thing we've got on this green earth. Never falter in your quest to love others, and you will be blessed with love in return.

Snippet

2010-07-10T10:51:00.000-07:00

God is in the trees.
He's in the wind that kisses the leaves,
in the breasts of birds that fly on wounded wings.

"El Destino"

2010-06-16T11:09:00.000-07:00

Maybe there is no such thing as destiny when it comes to love and matters of the heart--no "right place at the right time" or "getting in on the ground floor." How egocentric and proud to think that my little life has a great destiny that was planned out before I came into being, a little love story all my own.

Life is simply a series of events, seemingly random, but which we piece together to form meaning, to carve out some sense of purpose to our minuscule lives. Love exists, but finding it in its many forms is 90% accidental and only 10% willed.

Our individual destinies are what we make of them. The choices we make determine the direction our lives take. This is not to deny the existence of a higher power because I believe we are given free will. But perhaps that's it--we're given this gift to do with what we will: good or evil or nothing at all.

I particularly like this quote which gives me hope about finding love in the small things, in the big things, in others, and everywhere:

“Nothing is more practical than finding God, that is, than falling in a love in a quite absolute, final way. What you are in love with, what seizes your imagination will affect everything. It will decide what will get you out of bed in the mornings, what you will do with your evenings, how you spend your weekends, what you read, who you know, what breaks your heart, and what amazes you with joy and gratitude. Fall in love, stay in love, and it will decide everything.”

--Pedro Arrupe, S.J.

Carpe diem--seize the day!

As You Like It

2010-06-04T18:57:00.001-07:00

I am the girl in the yellow cardigan.
I am the one who got away.
I fall in love with one actor per play,
and a few humans per ride on the subway,
so don't think you're special.

I am the girl who notices a missing line.
Mere mortal, fool, I forgive you, but
every line is essential,
even the seemingly throw-away ones:
The words or lines He added
just to complete His obsessive compulsion
with language and math, rhythm and rhyme.
Was it painstakingly purposeful
or did perfection come naturally?

I don't know anything about actors.
I never studied them in the wild.
My thoughts are loud and crowded,
tucked away so neatly that you'll never find me,
though I imagine you'll look.
I should not have come alone.

I am the girl who takes
one prolonged gaze out into the Audience Sea,
one moment of smiling eye-lock,
the simple poetry of lips forming measured words,
and files them in my card catalog heart
marked under "A"
for "actor" or "apple," "Avon" or "ache."

Dear Sixteen

2010-05-17T18:59:00.000-07:00

If time travel or reverse time capsules were possible, I would write a letter to my sixteen-year-old self. Here are 17 pieces of advice I would give (sixteen, and one for good luck):

1. You are loved. It may not be the romantic love you are searching for, but all good things will come in time. Therefore, do not take those who love you for granted--your family and friends.

2. Always respect yourself. Carry yourself with dignity, and others will respect you as a result.

3. Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.

4. Be patient and have faith. Don't worry about the future--everything is going to be just fine, I promise!

5. You don't have to take crap from people who are not related to you. Don't be a doormat.

6. Be confident. If you act confident, you will be confident.

7. Do not worry about what other people think about you. Find strength in your identity and the person you know yourself to be deep down.

8. Find friends who will treat you like gold. Likewise, be a good friend.

9. Grandma was right: you are and always will be a princess. Do not let anyone tell you different.

10. Value yourself. You are special. You are unique. You are worth it.

11. Don't do things just because everyone else is doing it. Be your own person.

12. Do not envy others. You don't realize the burdens others bear or issues they struggle with underneath the surface.

13. You were right -- boys are stupid. They were stupid then and they're stupid now. They will continue to be stupid. They won't grow up; they only get older. But don't worry -- continue to have faith that a good man is still out there because I still do.

14. Do not believe everything a boy tells you, especially if it's exactly what you want to hear. Be skeptical, be wary. Boys lie to get what they want!

15. Do not be a hoochie.

16. The strongest of all warriors are these two -- Time and Patience. (Leo Tolstoy)

17. Do not settle. You're sixteen -- dream BIG.

Love always,
You at 23

The Flaky Friend: Deal or No Deal?

2010-04-20T09:42:00.000-07:00

The flaky friend. Everyone has them. Some put up with them. Others write them off as soon as they themselves are written off. They have a bad rap, but some friendships may be saved despite flakes' despicable habits of treating you like you don't matter.

I have about three good friends who are flakes, and one better friend who is becoming a flake. While I have ditched some flakes in the past, I don't cut these particular friends off completely because I love them dearly and I have tremendous fun when we are together. There is a formula to figure out if a flake is a true friend or a jerk that you should brush off yourself. After all, why should you be subjected to such treatment time and time again? Keep in mind that friendships are situational: one person's flaky friend could be another's ex-friend.

Ditch the Flake or Stay and Play?
Answer yes or no to the following questions.

1. Is your friendship a two-way street? Do you see this give-and-take relationship continuing in the future, despite a less-than-perfect present?
2. Is your friend's habit of flakiness a recent development?
3. Are you comfortable enough to confront your friend about their bad behavior? Do you think he/she will be willing to listen and make an effort to be less of a flake?
4. Are you willing to have a less close friendship with this person until they finish whatever project they are so consumed with (i.e. undergraduate thesis, master's degree, new boyfriend)? What if that "project" is a permanent fixture (i.e. a child, a husband, a demanding career)?
5. Do you feel appreciated in this friendship more than you feel brushed off or unimportant?

If you answered "yes" to most of the questions, then I would advise that you stick it out with your flaky friend; it seems that this is a true friend with a lot on their plate who needs a little wiggle room. Don't be afraid to call them on their flaky behavior, however: let them know that it hurts you when they ignore you, do not call you back, or keep ditching your appointments last minute. Be understanding of their busy situation, but do not let yourself become a doormat.

If you answered "no" to most of the questions, ditch the sorry sack! Or at least distance yourself from this person who does not make you feel like the million bucks you are worth. As the wise Oprah Winfrey once said, "Surround yourself with only people who are going to lift you higher." You deserve better than the way they treat you. I promise you there are better friends out there who will appreciate you for who you are. Why should you sit home on a Friday night because of this rude dude?

Some remedies for post-flaky friendship: Go out there and meet some new people--it will make you feel better than you have in awhile. Call a friend you haven't spoken to in a few months--maybe they are waiting for their flaky friend (that's you this time) to become available. Spend some time with your family. You can choose your friends, but you're stuck with your family! Might as well develop those relationships as well.

Twitter vs. Facebook: A Battle of Epic Proportions

2010-04-19T19:10:00.000-07:00

Twitter or Facebook? Facebook or Twitter? Decisions, decisions! Initially, when Facebook was redesigned for the one millionth time, the "status update" was the hot topic of debate. After all, who cares what you're eating, reading, watching, doing or not-doing at the moment...right? And then there's those really annoying FB friends who update their status 20 times a day. If these are your gripes about Facebook and the status update, then Twitter is most likely not for you.

These were my hesitations about Twitter before I started to tweet and became a Twitter dweeb, more familiarly known as a "tweeb" (Side note: currently researching the copyrighting process for term coinage.) In fact, I only started using Twitter as a tool to update my Facebook status! But nowadays, I find myself getting frustrated with Facebook. It is no longer lightning fast -- when the pictures crank to load, I get flashbacks to the stone age of dial-up connections. ::shudder:: I also am horrified by all of the pointless applications like Farmville and WasteoftimeZoo that spam my newsfeed. Facebook is becoming more like MySpace every day. Which makes me think of pedophiles and creepers. Blech.

Thus, I have found myself enjoying Twitter so much that I have decided that I like Twitter more than Facebook. Oh, the humanity! If you had predicted that this phenomenon would happen when I was a college student, I never would have believed you. I would have screamed "Blasphemer!" right in your face and ran away with my hands over my ears.

Some may argue that Twitter is just "too hard to figure out." Well, I'm sure there's a "Twitter for Dummies" book out there that you can pick up at Barnes & Noble. Or, you could just sign up for an account and troubleshoot. Usually, the Tweebs will show you the ropes, like how to hashtag, retweet, and make @replies. Twitter even has a helpful Twitter support section for newbies. Others bash Twitter for not having the security and privacy settings of Facebook. Privacy, shmivacy. It's not like I'm tweeting my Social Security Number.

What's the point of Twitter? I don't have an answer for you. All I know is that I like to tweet and tweeting likes me. As a member of Generation Y, you have a social responsibility to at least give Twitter a college try. It won't kill ya! (But no guarantees...weirder things have happened.) Happy Tweeting!

#omgidothistoo

2010-03-31T09:55:00.000-07:00

Do you make To-Do Lists? I enjoy making lists in general, but to-do lists in particular give me a sense of accomplishment. It is as if I have already crossed something off my list just by listing all of the things I must or want to get done. To-do lists are also helpful because I don't have the best memory (note to self: put Gingko Biloba on shopping list), so writing everything down helps me keep track of what I already did and what I still need to do. Perhaps I am overstating the obvious--do most people make to-do lists? Or am I the only one who is an over-organizer and mindless-task-doer?

Anyway, here are some lists that I made lately. (If you want to know how bad my list-making is, I have even made lists of things to blog about. Yes. It's like that.)

Famous People I have Seen on the Street
1. Spike Lee in Union Square
2. Tony Danza on the NYC Subway
3. Ronan Tinen on Madison Avenue
4. Tina Fey on West 4th Street
5. Blake Lively at Barnard

Famous People I have Actually Met In Person
1. Derek Jeter
2. Phil Rizzuto
3. David Cone
4. Jim Abbott
5. Joe Giardi
6. Andy Petitte
7. Tino Martinez
8. Willy Randolph
9. Buck Showwalter
10. A bunch of other Yankees
11. Bobby Long (singer/songwriter)
12. Anthony Rapp (the original Mark in Rent)

Playing the Waiting Game

2010-03-24T11:10:00.000-07:00

I have not been blessed with a large supply of patience -- not even a small reserve of it. So you can imagine my difficulty in waiting to hear back from graduate schools about my acceptance into or rejection from their programs for Fall of 2010. I applied to Hunter College, Queens College, Teacher's College at Columbia University, Gallaudet University, and Boston University. I got my acceptance from Boston University, which is good and bad. At least I know I have one program that wants me if all else fails. But I really do not want to go back to Boston. I want to stay in New York!

I get antsy at my job (for many other reasons as well) and find it challenging to concentrate on the task at hand. Things would be easier if I just knew what my choices were so I could make a decision. It would be nice to have some peace of mind about where I'll be this fall. It's as if there is a big obstacle in my way to getting to where I want to be. But really the obstacle is merely time, because the letters will come in the mail in due course. I just have to sit on my hands and stop being so impatient about the future.

At least I have my new puppy, Maggie to keep me occupied, at the expense of my social life. But I don't mind--I am trying to save some money anyway!

Trick or Treat

2010-03-11T07:03:00.000-08:00

Watched Grease last night, which prompted me to make this list:

Potential 2010 Halloween Costumes

1. Sandra Dee, complete with Pink Ladies jacket (the hot Sandra at the end with the hot pants)
2. Catwoman
3. Wonder Woman
4. Vampire a la Twilight
5. Cheerleader
6. Lady GaGa

Reflections on 21 + 2

2010-03-04T13:25:00.000-08:00

My birthday is in 8 days and I will be turning the big 2-3. I am excited for March 12th to come because I love my birthday--it's my favorite holiday of the year! I'm not upset that I'm going to be 23 at all, even though it's the oldest I've ever been...obviously. It's not a particularly big milestone or anything like that. It's not 10, 13, 16, 17, 18, 20, 21, or 30 (thank God). I guess I have finally entered the "It's just another birthday" zone, which is okay. At least I don't have to feel pressured to have a big party, see a PG-13 or R-rated movie, go get a learner's permit, driver's license, pack of cigarettes, lotto ticket, Hustler mag, or a few gallons of booze because my liver's finally legal--all things I might have felt compelled to do at other birthday milestones, most of which I didn't. It's just another year older.

Interesting Tidbits from my 22nd Year:
- I graduated from college.
- I moved back to New York for the first time in 4 years.
- I got my first full-time job in the real world.
- I found my first gray hair.
- I went to three concerts.
- I went to three major league baseball games.
- I went to three Broadway shows.
- I was serenaded by the only all-male acapella group at Boston College, The Heightsmen. (*swoon*)
- The Yankees won the World Series!

New Addition to the Fam

2010-02-26T17:34:00.000-08:00

So, in a little over two weeks, there will be a new addition to the family. Meet Princess Maggie! (or some of her distant relatives--see picture to the left. Official photo releases of Miss Maggie to come soon.) My family is adopting a Golden Retriever puppy from 24-Karat Goldens. I can't tell you how excited my family is or how ecstatic I am. I have been wishing for a puppy for a long time.

My former dog, Tasha, unfortunately got really sick with skin cancer in the spring of last year. She passed away in late July 2009. We were all extremely sad at her passing; she was a member of our family. No dog could replace Tasha--she was one of a kind, what personality! What a terrific dog. We will always miss her. My family and I were not ready for a new dog before this--we were actually going to wait until this summer to adopt a new family member. But it was destiny--a family friend told us about a Golden Retriever litter that had been born about four weeks prior on January 10, 2010. We went to see the puppies in the last blizzard about two weeks ago and we didn't stand a chance: we fell in love with little Maggie. She stole each of our hearts! So Maggie won't be coming home with us until March 17, St. Patrick's Day. She's a sweet Irish lass!

Stay tuned for pictures (and maybe video) of my new puppy. Yay!

Weather Blues or February Funk?

2010-02-25T13:33:00.000-08:00

Maybe I am stating the obvious, but I have always been amazed at how much capacity the weather has to impact people's moods, including my own. We are on at least Day #3 of non-stop rain, wintry mix, and cloudiness. The stormy weather is not supposed to let up until Sunday, with a sunny forecast on Monday. I have noticed a negative change in the moods of my friends, my family, and myself. It must be a combination of the stormy weather and the "February Funk," a tiredness of the winter and a readiness for the spring.

Why do we let the weather affect our moods? I don't think it is necessarily a conscious choice. I have felt more tired lately and have found it harder to wake up in the morning, especially when it is still dark and cloudy outside my window instead of bright and sunny, albeit cold. (At least New York does not have the absolutely frigid temperatures that Boston endures during the wintertime! I don't know how those Bostonians can stand it. It chills you down to your bones.)

My cure for the stormy weather blues:

1. Curl up with a good book or a good movie
2. Make yourself a cup of hot tea or hot chocolate
3. Cook up some comfort food (i.e. brownies, cookies, or Mom's homemade lasagna)
4. Find your fuzziest, warmest socks and put them on
5. If you have a Snuggie, use it. If not, find lots of blankets and get under the covers
6. Build a fire and roast up some 'Smores
7. Go to bed early! You'll thank me for this later.

If you try all this, and you still feel out of sorts, don't fear: Spring is almost here.

Curling is Funny

2010-02-18T06:39:00.000-08:00

I haven't been watching much of the 2010 Winter Olympics, even though I do enjoy the Olympics very much, especially the winter games. There are such interesting sports in the winter games that you don't see every day. For instance, curling: who the heck came up with this sport? Some people in the North Pole must have been really bored one winter day when there was no sunlight and came up with this wacky game. I just think it's hysterical to watch. You might like curling if you also like bowling, ice skating, bocce, and sweeping.

A Lenten Make-Over

2010-02-17T06:30:00.000-08:00

For Lent this year, I had a hard time thinking of something to give up. Whenever I try to give up something (i.e. Diet Coke, chocolate, or something else impossible), it never works. That's why this year, I wanted to do something instead, like an act of good works, or something to that effect. I am thinking instead that I will do a little of both. I need to stop cursing if I am going to be a teacher. So to stop the knee-jerk potty mouth excretions, I have decided to put 25 cents into a jar for every curse that I say during Lent. Just so you know how bad my cursing issue is, I already have $1.00 just from the commute to work this morning, the first day of Lent. Ack! When Lent is over, I plan to donate the money that accumulates in the jar to my church or other charitable organization.

Part II of my Lenten plan is to call loved ones that I have not spoken to in awhile to reconnect. I am thinking that I will take every Tuesday and Thursday and call two people each night. It all sounds do-able to me. Let's see if I stick to my grand Lenten scheme. Hopefully, it will not be like "New Year's Resolutions: Round Two," as my friend Lauren coined last night. Here's hoping!

Taking Back the Day of Love

2010-02-12T07:31:00.000-08:00

Some people get all pissy if they do not have a significant other to mush over on Valentine's Day. Men and women all over the world (Is V-Day celebrated outside of the U.S? Good question.) will cry and mope on February 14th because they are lonely and in need of romantic love. What's love got to do with that?

Instead of all this self-loathing, people should think of Valentine's Day as a rare opportunity: the one day out of the year when it is perfectly acceptable to tell all the people you love in your life how much you love and appreciate them. One day a year when it is okay for men to be sensitive, emotional, and vulnerable. Men, take advantage of this day: see a chick flick and cry a little! Let it all out. I know you've been bottling it up all year long.

Maybe Valentine's Day is just a commercial holiday made up by the greeting card industry. So what?! This is your opportunity to earn brownie points, even better your chances of going to heaven (if you believe in that kind of thing). Step away from the computer this instant and go tell someone you love them. This someone can be your cat, dog, or Chinese fighting fish, but other (better) suggestions are your mother, father, sister, brother, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, niece, nephew, or even a treasured friend. I do not care if you have a girlfriend, boyfriend, or a sugar mama/daddy on February 14th: there are lots of other people in your life that will enjoy hearing that you love them. Go for it.

Confessions of a Red Sox Sympathizer

2010-02-10T12:06:00.000-08:00

I may get into trouble with my family for writing this. In the spirit of free speech, however, I will risk life and limb to write it. First off, I will answer your question: NO, I am not a Red Sox fan--I never was a Red Sox fan and I will never be a Red Sox fan. I am a Yankee fan by birth and will remain one until I die. The paradox of these facts is that the movie Fever Pitch is one of my guilty pleasures, I went to college in Boston, my favorite baseball game to watch is the Bronx Bombers vs. the Sawx, and Fenway Park will always be a sacred site to me. Red Sox fans are probably the lowest forms of life out there, i.e. obnoxious scum--but I get it. I will explain.

There is a profound difference between Yankee fans and people who root for that team from Boston. Whereas Yankee fans derive their team spirit from positive things like our fervent belief that our team is the best, Red Sox fans fuel their fandome on the negative karma of Yankee-hating. (If you don't believe me, check out all the "Yankees Suck" T-shirts and other tchotchkes out there). Hatred of the Yankees and jealousy of their reign over the last century is where the Red Sox and their cheering section find their will to fight, despite an over-80-year losing streak. The Yankees, on the other hand, need only their 27 World Series Championship rings to remind them that they are the best team in baseball, hands down.

I sympathize with Red Sox fans, however, because I, too, am a fan of the great game of baseball. I get what it means to be crazy about your team, to love watching them play, and to feel like the world is out of balance when they lose. That's why I have a hate-love relationship with Red Sox fans (but mostly hate)--I admire their gumption and passion for their team, despite a near-century-long drought. I get their traditions and their theme songs because we have some of our own, too. I admire their beaten up, never-say-die stadium that holds so much history--one of the last three ballparks still standing where Babe Ruth, Mickey Mantle, and Joe DiMaggio played--especially now that my Cathedral of Baseball was torn down and replaced, as if replacement were possible. When you go to Fenway Park, you feel like you have traveled back in time to 1927. Where else can you go and feel that? Further, put the New York Yankees and the Boston Red Sox opposite each other on any baseball diamond and you've got yourself a recipe for the best game ever.

There is probably only one thing that a Yankee fan and a Red Sox fan have in common: a love of the game. A die-hard Red Sox fan may despise me, but that's alright because I completely get it. We're not that different. Fuhgeddaboudit--I can't stand your team, either.

Celebrities: America's Royalty

2010-02-09T07:42:00.000-08:00

Do you ever wonder why Americans are so preoccupied with the life and times of celebrities? This list includes actors, actresses, heiresses, athletes, and even reality TV show "stars." Why should we care who lost or gained weight, who is pregnant, who just hooked up, broke up, got divorced, or has once again landed themselves in rehab? The amount of celebrity-obsessed trashy magazines out there is astonishing--People, US Weekly, Star, OK!, In Touch, National Enquirer, etc. Even mainstream newspapers and other magazines for women like Cosmopolitan and Glamour feature the latest pieces on celebrities. America's obsession with celebrities must have something to do with our own desire for fame--why else would American Idol still air after 9 seasons, unless kareoke were the great American pasttime, not baseball? We gossip and dish on celebs just as much as the UK loves to keep up with their Royals.

Are our own lives so humdrum that we must live vicariously through the idealized lives of the rich and famous? Notice that the "rich and famous" tagline includes neither "content," "healthy," nor "at peace." I cannot say that I am not guilty of perusing these magazines when I am bored out of my mind and do not want to use more brain power than it takes to flip through a pretty picture book like US Weekly or People. I'm just saying that we should all realize that it's all a fantasy--these celebrities live charmed lives and nobody could look the way they do without personal trainers, boatloads of cash, personal cooks and nutritionists, plastic surgery, and lots and lots of airbrushing. So instead of envying them, I would rather be content living my own normal life!

Must See: The Vampire Diaries

2010-02-06T11:28:00.000-08:00

My friend Jenn got me into this new show called The Vampire Diaries. I know what you must be thinking: "For Pete's sake, not another vampire-related anything." But I promise you, it is different from Twilight and anything else vampire themed (althought I do like Twilight and Harry Potter and all those fantasy-type books and movies). You should watch just for the leading male characters alone - Damon, played by Ian Somerhalder, former model and Lost cast member and Stefan, played by Paul Wesley are absolutely dreamy. The suspense and mystery remain in the show, despite being on its second season.

I must admit, I have not watched True Blood yet, so I cannot compare it to The Vampire Diaries. Perhaps The Vampire Diaries seem more accessible to me, aired on The "CW" Channel 11, Thursdays at 8:00 p.m. Eastern Standard Time. For a girl who didn't have cable at home until her senior year of college, HBO still seems too ritzy to watch.

Either way, my advice would be to check out this new show before you get too far behind in the episodes to start watching. But don't just take my word for it. Click to watch the closed captioned trailer to sneak a peek.

Two Musical Pet Peeves

2010-02-04T11:51:00.000-08:00

When it comes to most things in life, I have a fairly open mind. You suggest a restaurant, a museum, a film, or a tasty dish, I will check it out and let you know how the exploration goes. So if you suggest a musical artist, I would definitely get on iTunes, preview a few songs, and download at least one. I like all kinds of music: pop, rock, R&B, hip hop, some rap, some jazz, classical, oldies from every era, etc. But there are two artists that I truly cannot stand: Savage Garden and Kenny G.

Savage Garden's "Truly, Madly, Deeply" is like listening to the sound of nails scraping a chalkboard. "I want to stand with you on a mountain/I want to bathe with you in the sea." Really? I'm a romantic and everything, but those lyrics make me want to hurl. And don't get me started on Kenny G. I roll my eyes everytime that sappy soprano saxophone oozes through the elevator speaker system. Ugh! As if his bad hair were not awful enough, I am forced to listen to him ruin good songs with his terrible covers of them. Who cares if you hold the Guinness World Record for holding the longest note??

There are few things in this world that make me physically sick to my stomach. Savage Garden and Kenny G are my Chinese water torture.

Write a Blog, Get Rich!

2010-01-30T08:36:00.000-08:00

Wouldn't it be great if we could all find success and a book deal just by writing in a blog? I am fascinated with the story of Julie&Julia, the woman who blogged for a year about cooking her way through Julia Child's Mastering the Art of French Cooking. If only we could all have a brilliant idea like that! But I guess that route has been taken and the rest of us have to find our own brilliant ideas lying somewhere by the side of the road.
The movie's not half bad, either. Meryl Streep is brilliant, as usual, and Amy Adams is as charming as ever. Stanley Tucci shines as a supporting actor to Streep's Julia Child. Chris Messina, who plays Amy Adams' husband, is adorable and really brings the movie together for me. The film will leave you desiring to write a blog, if not for riches and fame, but for the sheer heck of it. And of course, the slim chance at achieving greatness.

The Future is Not for Wimps

2010-01-28T15:50:00.000-08:00

"Today is the first day of the rest of your life," used to be one of the scariest phrases in English language to me, one year ago. It was frightening because there were always so many different ways in which I could fritter away today, and I always worried that tomorrow might not be okay. Reminiscent of my Grandmother's favorite, "These are the best years of your life," this phrase made me feel that I was wasting this day, somehow. So instead of living it up, I stayed still and worried until all my nails and cuticles were bitten off, in a figurative sense (my nails are actually quite nice). I was frightened into paralysis; there were so many choices and directions in which my life could go. I was so scared of making the wrong decision that I instead made no decisions at all and went nowhere.

I have always wanted to know my future. If only I had a crystal ball...if only those 8-ball thingys actually worked! I often ask myself, "Will things turn out okay for me? Will I achieve my dreams that I want so badly? Will I succeed?" But the truth is that tomorrow is always going to come, whether I am ready for it or not. So I might as well enjoy today and work hard so that I don't have to worry so much about tomorrow and about my future.

Now the phrase, "Today is the first day of the rest of your life!" is something that's really exciting to me. When I hear it, or think it, I smile and imagine all the wonderful possibilities that string of words entails. I know now that it's going to be a long life (at least, I hope and pray that it will be) and that I have lots of time to figure things out. If I had it all figured out at 22, almost 23, I guess that would make the rest of my life pretty boring.

I like to listen to this song when I need a confidence boost: Sing it, B!

A video/speech that helps keep things in perspective: Wear Sunscreen

Facelurking: Guilty

2010-01-25T13:56:00.000-08:00

Facelurk / faes lerk / v 1. the act of stalking via the on-line networking tool, Facebook. 2. a form of procrastination, usually performed when one is at work or bored at home; useage seen most frequently on Mondays and Saturday nights. See also: creeping.

I am almost too ashamed to admit it: yes, I have facelurked. I have facelurked in the past, continue in the present, and will in the future. It is inevitable. Does this make me a creep? Probably. But it doesn't seem so terrible because everybody else is doing it. (Spare me the Brooklyn Bridge analogy.) My brand of facelurking includes browsing people's photos and checking my News Feed for status updates. I will sometimes find myself clicking through the 305th picture out of 1,879 of someone's posted photographs that I have literally not spoken to since Junior High. I then ask myself why the hell I care what outfit this person was wearing on their birthday last year and either close out of Facebook for the time being...or bounce over to someone else's more interesting Facebook to facelurk further.

I do not consider myself a creep because Facebook is inherently a creepy device. I have witnessed people creeping on other people via Facebook. I have witnessed firsthand men lurking through other women's Facebook accounts and rating them: not on a scale of 1-10, but ranking her a "but-her-face" or "hot." I know--ugh! I have also heard of guys creeping on a girls' Facebook to check her "Looking For" status before asking her out on a date. Hello! Do you think a girl really thinks about her "Looking For" status once she has finished activating her Facebook account? Facebook is not meant to be read into that deeply. My advice? Try face to face conversation. It's been around for years. I guarantee you will gather more genuine information that way.

I digress. Why is Facebook used so frequently for time-wasting? Yes, it serves a purpose: it helps us keep in touch with our friends and family. But I bet you five American dollars that you neither speak to nor have active relationships with 9/10ths of your Facebook "friends." Is Facebook just another narcissistic time-waster where we post our status and think that people actual read or care what we are thinking or doing at that very moment (much like a blog, then)?

Or is Facebook something different altogether? Check out this video and re-think your membership to the Facebook: The Truth about Facebook.

Take all this with a grain of salt, as all things, of course. I won't be de-activating my Facebook account anytime soon, but it's all interesting to think about!

A New Meaning for the "Little Black Box"

2010-01-21T13:23:00.000-08:00

This story in today's Newsday is either absolutely outrageous or somewhat believable in the current climate of American paranoia. A seventeen-year-old boy caused his flight from LaGuardia to Louisville, Kentucky to be prematurely grounded in Philadelphia, all because he strapped on his tefillin to pray. Used in the Jewish tradition, tefillin are small cubic leather boxes painted black which contain scrolls of parchment inscribed with verses from the Torah, with black leather straps attached. Tefillin are worn by devout Jewish men during prayer as a sign and remembrance that God brought the Jewish people out of Egypt. The flight attendant must have assumed that his prayer device was actually a detonation device or a bomb of some sort.

Really, Transportation Security Administration? Not only do you take away our tweezers, nail clippers, and liquids at the door (because God forbid we might want to groom ourselves on board), but now you ground a plane because a 17-year-old Jewish boy was praying. Now I ask you--where does this stop? This is an instance of sheer stupidity and ignorance. But all that aside, may I also ask why is it that we wait until people are on the plane and up in the air before we question whether or not they want to blow up it up? Guess what--if somebody wants to blow up a plane and kill people these days, they are going to do it and there is nothing we can do about it. That's a scary thought, but unless things change in Homeland Security's policy and in our airport security procedures, this will continue to be the climate of the day.

There is something we can do. America needs to face the facts and copy Israel's security check and subsequently have less flights, limit the amount of visas granted to foreigners to enter this country, and do away with the ideology that we can go on living like nothing is wrong, even though we are currently in a "war on terror." We cannot have it both ways, people. Either we suck it up and compromise, sacrificing some of our comforts and amenities, or we resolve ourselves to the fact that if we want to keep our frequent flights and the convenience of unrestricted travel, then we will continue living in fear of another terrorist attack.

The irony of all this: that boy was probably praying that there were no terrorists on the plane.

Journaling vs. Blogging

2010-01-19T13:07:00.000-08:00

Is there a difference between journaling and blogging? I would say yes. Some people use their blogs as a journaling tool, which is totally cool. Journaling is definitely a good thing, no matter where you catalog your thoughts. I find journaling to be cathartic and a way to keep track of my progress in this little life of mine. But my personal preference is to confine my innermost, private thoughts in my traditional, bound paper journal where no one can read them. The purpose of this blog, on the other hand, is to expound upon Pop culture, books, the latest news stories, and other random blather that's cool for peeps to browse and comment on. I promise not to put any ex-boyfriends on blast or bitch about a bad day on this blog. That's just not what this blog is going to be about. To each his own: if your blog is a blog like that, more power to you!
Food for thought: Would Shakespeare have had a blog, if he were alive today? If so, what would he write about?

My First E-Z Bake Blog

2010-01-18T13:38:00.000-08:00

Hellooooooo, Cyberspace!

I haven't quite figured out the tricks o' the trade to this blogging thing yet. I started out about a month ago on Blogher.com, which is a great site for women who blog, but it turns out that it is not a blog, per se. So here I am, taking another whack at it. Instead of re-posting some of my entries, here is the link to my blogher profile.

I'm looking forward to posting more interesting fodder to shoot into the cybervoid, so stay tuned!

Food for thought: Despite all the bad stuff that's going on right now in President Obama's administration with healthcare and the deployment of 30,000 more troops to Afghanistan, do we not have a kick-ass First Lady? We would be hard-pressed to find a more inspiring, strong, stylish, and amazing role-model for women of all ages than Michelle Obama. You glow, girl!