"El Destino"

Maybe there is no such thing as destiny when it comes to love and matters of the heart--no "right place at the right time" or "getting in on the ground floor." How egocentric and proud to think that my little life has a great destiny that was planned out before I came into being, a little love story all my own.

Life is simply a series of events, seemingly random, but which we piece together to form meaning, to carve out some sense of purpose to our minuscule lives. Love exists, but finding it in its many forms is 90% accidental and only 10% willed.

Our individual destinies are what we make of them. The choices we make determine the direction our lives take. This is not to deny the existence of a higher power because I believe we are given free will. But perhaps that's it--we're given this gift to do with what we will: good or evil or nothing at all.

I particularly like this quote which gives me hope about finding love in the small things, in the big things, in others, and everywhere:

“Nothing is more practical than finding God, that is, than falling in a love in a quite absolute, final way. What you are in love with, what seizes your imagination will affect everything. It will decide what will get you out of bed in the mornings, what you will do with your evenings, how you spend your weekends, what you read, who you know, what breaks your heart, and what amazes you with joy and gratitude. Fall in love, stay in love, and it will decide everything.”

--Pedro Arrupe, S.J.

Carpe diem--seize the day!

As You Like It

I am the girl in the yellow cardigan.
I am the one who got away.
I fall in love with one actor per play,
and a few humans per ride on the subway,
so don't think you're special.

I am the girl who notices a missing line.
Mere mortal, fool, I forgive you, but
every line is essential,
even the seemingly throw-away ones:
The words or lines He added
just to complete His obsessive compulsion
with language and math, rhythm and rhyme.
Was it painstakingly purposeful
or did perfection come naturally?

I don't know anything about actors.
I never studied them in the wild.
My thoughts are loud and crowded,
tucked away so neatly that you'll never find me,
though I imagine you'll look.
I should not have come alone.

I am the girl who takes
one prolonged gaze out into the Audience Sea,
one moment of smiling eye-lock,
the simple poetry of lips forming measured words,
and files them in my card catalog heart
marked under "A"
for "actor" or "apple," "Avon" or "ache."