Esperanza Rising

I am required to do a children's literature review that involves three author studies for my Developmental Reading class.  Originally, I picked Maya Angelou for the author of the two novels I must include, but her writing seemed a little above-level in terms of difficulty of text as well as content for K-6 readers.  So I instead picked Pam Muñoz Ryan, who wrote Esperanza Rising and Becoming Naomi León.  I'm currently reading Esperanza Rising, which begins in Mexico in 1924 right before the Great Depression, and right before the harvest of the grapes from Esperanza's family vineyard that always coincides with her birthday.  Her father is tragically killed by a group of bandits on the eve of her 13th birthday.  But more tradgedy follows for Esperanza and her family; her power-hungry uncle sets fire to their ranch home and vineyards when her mother refuses to marry him, and left with nothing, they must flee to America.  One quote resonated with me so far:

       Abuelita squeezed Esperanza's hand.  "Do not be afraid to start over.  When I was your age, I left Spain with my mother, father, and sisters.  A Mexican official had offered my father a job here in Mexico.  So we came.  We had to take several ships and the journey lasted months.  When we arrived, nothing was as promised.  There were many hard times.  But life was also exciting.  And we had each other.  Esperanza, do you remember the story of the phoenix, the lovely young bird that is reborn from its own ashes?"
       Esperanza nodded.  Abuelita had read it to her many times from a book of myths.
       "We are like the phoenix," said Abuelita.  "Rising again, with a new life ahead of us."

Awesome 90s Games

Just for fun.  Remember these?

 

Simon, the tricky reflex tester.  I happen to have the reflexes of a panther, so I always did well in this game.  I was wondering the other day if this game would have been easier if there were no sound?  Beep, boop, womp womp!

Something tells me that many a fingertip was taken off playing this old 90s past-time.  Good times, good times.

   

"You'll get caught up in the, Crossfire!  Crossfire!  CROSS FIYAAHHH!!"  This game wins the best-theme-song-for-a-board-game award.  Kudos to you, Crossfire.  Thanks for starting many a fight between me and my brother.  This one's for you. 

Yeah, I collected Pogs.  I'm not sure why--sort of like that Tamigotchi phase.  We just sort of did it without thinking, wanted it because we were told to want it.  Oh, American advertisers--you're good at your job.  I think I witnessed someone actually playing with Pogs two times, max.  All I remember doing was looking at my collection on end.  Weird.

"Segaaaa."  Oh, game gear.  How many hours I wasted trying to beat Sonic the Hedgehog on you.  That's the only game I ever played, except trying and failing at Sonic II.  Gooood times.

This last one's not really related to 90s games.  But I wonder if any places in the 80s/90s actually looked like The Max from Saved by the Bell, a show I watched entirely too much of.  If so, I hope they have already burned to the ground.  The lameness is astounding.  How did anyone ever think this was cool (or am I the only loser who thought so)?!

And we end with the 90s in one picture.  Fresh to the death.

Edward Estlin Cummings was Beautiful.

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in

my heart)i am never without it(anywhere

i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done

by only me is your doing,my darling)

——————————————————— i fear

no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want

no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)

and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows

higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)                                                                      -e.e. cummings

Oh! The Places You'll Go!

Never give up.  Never lose hope.  Be thankful and persevere.  Be positive at all times.  Find the good in all things.  Look up.  Everything will be alright.


Oh! The Places You’ll Go!
by the incomparable Dr. Seuss
Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You’re off to Great Places!
You’re off and away!

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself any direction you choose.
You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the guy who’ll decide where to go.

You’ll look up and down streets. Look’em over with care. About some you will say, “I don’t choose to go there.” With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet, you’re too smart to go down a not-so-good street.

And you may not find any you’ll want to go down. In that case, of course, you’ll head straight out of town. It’s opener there in the wide open air.

Out there things can happen and frequently do to people as brainy and footsy as you.

And when things start to happen, don’t worry. Don’t stew. Just go right along. You’ll start happening too.

Oh! The Places You’ll Go!

You’ll be on your way up!
You’ll be seeing great sights!
You’ll join the high fliers who soar to high heights.

You won’t lag behind, because you’ll have the speed. You’ll pass the whole gang and you’ll soon take the lead. Wherever you fly, you’ll be best of the best. Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.

Except when you don’t.
Because, sometimes, you won’t.

I’m sorry to say so but, sadly, it’s true that Bang-ups and Hang-ups can happen to you.

You can get all hung up in a prickle-ly perch. And your gang will fly on. You’ll be left in a Lurch.

You’ll come down from the Lurch with an unpleasant bump. And the chances are, then, that you’ll be in a Slump.

And when you’re in a Slump, you’re not in for much fun. Un-slumping yourself is not easily done.

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked. Some windows are lighted. But mostly they’re darked. A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin! Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in? How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And if you go in, should you turn left or right…or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite? Or go around back and sneak in from behind? Simple it’s not, I’m afraid you will find, for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.

You can get so confused that you’ll start in to race down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space, headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.

The Waiting Place…for people just waiting.

Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go or the mail to come, or the rain to go or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow or waiting around for a Yes or No or waiting for their hair to grow. Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for wind to fly a kite or waiting around for Friday night or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake or a pot to boil, or a Better Break or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants or a wig with curls, or Another Chance. Everyone is just waiting.

No! That’s not for you!
Somehow you’ll escape all that waiting and staying. You’ll find the bright places where Boom Bands are playing. With banner flip-flapping, once more you’ll ride high! Ready for anything under the sky. Ready because you’re that kind of a guy!

Oh, the places you’ll go! There is fun to be done! There are points to be scored. There are games to be won. And the magical things you can do with that ball will make you the winning-est winner of all. Fame! You’ll be famous as famous can be, with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.

Except when they don’t. Because, sometimes, they won’t.

I’m afraid that some times you’ll play lonely games too. Games you can’t win ‘cause you’ll play against you.

All Alone!
Whether you like it or not, Alone will be something you’ll be quite a lot.

And when you’re alone, there’s a very good chance you’ll meet things that scare you right out of your pants. There are some, down the road between hither and yon, that can scare you so much you won’t want to go on.

But on you will go though the weather be foul. On you will go though your enemies prowl. On you will go though the Hakken-Kraks howl. Onward up many a frightening creek, though your arms may get sore and your sneakers may leak. On and on you will hike. And I know you’ll hike far and face up to your problems whatever they are.

You’ll get mixed up, of course, as you already know. You’ll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go. So be sure when you step. Step with care and great tact and remember that Life’s a Great Balancing Act. Just never forget to be dexterous and deft. And never mix up your right foot with your left.

And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and ¾ percent guaranteed.)

Kid, you’ll move mountains!
So…be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray or Mordecai Ale Van Allen O’Shea, you’re off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So…get on your way!

Wonderful Town

I wrote this about a year ago, when I was trying to re-find myself again.  So much has changed since then, but the most important things haven't.

New York: What's Not to Love?

1. The way the buildings shine and glint in the sunlight.
2. The shape of the skyline and the overlapping buildings, forming a stairway to the sky.
3. The way the buildings light up at night, like fireflies trapped in a jar.
4. How frightening and humbling it is to gaze up to the top spires of St. Patrick's Cathedral
5.  Going to Rock Center during Christmastime to see The Tree
6. The big department stores like Macy's, Bloomingdale's, and Lord & Taylor, that seem to be out of another time
7. The way the steam billows out of the manholes and subway grates, creating a smokey romantic look
8. The way you get on the subway and are surrounded by a melting pot of people, who can all live, work, and peacefully co-exist (for the most part)
9. The subway system--its speed and character.  How you just dont make eye contact with people, let alone strike up a conversation.  It's just not done!
10.  Performers in the subway
11. ice skating in Bryant Park
12. the way people walk down the street with a purpose and a drive, always in a hurry
13. The way Times Square lights up the night like broad day light
14. The fact that there is always something going on, Broadway shows, plays, concerts, dancing, athletic events, etc.
15. the diversity of restaurants at your fingertips
16. the plethora of museums and art galleries
17. that the city never sleeps...there's always something open, even at 4 in the morning
18. we got the best pizza, the best bagels, and the best cannolis around
19. a distinctive accent
20. the best team in baseball--The New York Yankees!!!!!!!!
21. The fact that there is always a chance that you will have a celebrity sighting
22. reading the humongous billboards when you drive in or out of the city
23. the way it feels to zoom through the Lincoln tunnel.  I love those lights
24. the sound of the city never stops--it's alive with people, cars, trucks, trains, horns, sirens, hustle and bustle
25. the grid--you can always figure out where you are and where you've got to go
26. Little Italy and the San Gennaro festival in the summer
27. Greenwich Village
28. Penn Station
29. Grand Central Station
30. Madison Square Garden
31. Chinatown
32. Hell's Kitchen
33. The outer boroughs
34. The Staten Island Ferry
35. Central Park
36. The Central Park zoo
37. Columbia University
38. how tourists and slow-walkers will make your blood pressure shoot up to dangerous levels
39. Museum of Natural History
40.  Where the hell is the Original Ray's Pizza and why do we care so much?
41. It's hard to get a bad slice of pizza
42. Finding out little secrets hidden away, like a hole-in-the-wall Mexican restaurant that has great food and even better margaritas (Benny's!) or the fact that in certain places of Grand Central Station, you can stand and whisper into a corner and someone canl hear you across the room if they stand in a certain spot.
43. That nowhere else is going to be New York, and you know it when you go.
44. Lincoln Center
45. going to a game at Yankee Stadium, Citi Field, or Keyspan Park
46. walking across the The Brooklyn Bridge
47. Coney Island: the Cyclone, the Wonderwheel, the boardwalk, the Original Nathan's, and the Aquarium
48. the surprising kindness of strangers if you do ask for directions...and the rest of the people on the train who chime in to give you a better way to go
49. the impatience that is ingrained in this city
50. breathing a sigh of relief whenever I see the skyline again coming back into New York whenever I leave, and wondering why the hell I ever left.

Demons

We all have our own personal demons that we struggle with.  Maybe it's depression, alcoholism, or unemployment.  Maybe it's a lost love, low self-worth, or poor self-image.  Maybe it's worry about a family member, terminal illness, or a chronic ache of some kind.  We all struggle with something, with some source of negativity in our lives.  It is how we react to it, how we deal with those demons that matters.  We can allow it to take over our lives and totally consume us, or we can learn to be positive and find the good out of any situation.  We can wallow in despair, or we can rise above.  We can focus on the love in our lives, rather than on negative feelings.  Who loves you?  Your family, your friends, your coworkers, your classmates, your neighbors, your spiritual community members.  We can focus on the ways in which we are blessed.  What are the good things that happened to you today, this week, this month, this year?  What are you looking forward to in the coming days, weeks, months, years?  What are your goals?  How can you make those goals come to fruition?

Everyone has bad days, or a day in which everything that can go wrong seems to go wrong.  But those days end, Mondays eventually become Tuesdays, and tomorrow is as full of possibility and light "as moonlight in a martini" (to quote Moonstruck, my go-to flick when I'm feeling blue).  So chin up--everything is temporary!

At the Bottom of a Cup of Tea? Patience.

Originally posted on Blogher January 7, 2010:

While brewing some tea, I realized it was my grandmother who tried to teach me patience with a cup of the stuff. I am a person who wants everything yesterday, which explains why it took so long to understand the lesson. Perhaps a cup of tea each day will bring greater revelation, drop by drop.

I still miss her, even though she's been gone almost seven years. She passed away after losing a battle with Emphysema. My grandmother smoked her whole life, despite serving as the main cantor and psalmist at my parish church, celebrating weekly services and other special masses. Her greatest hits were "On Eagle's Wings" and "Be Not Afraid." Every time I hear those hymns, I get all verklempt. And during a funeral? Fuhgeddaboudit.

My grandmother had a beautiful soprano voice, although I cannot remember how each note and cadence sounded. Members of my community continue to approach my family to tell us how they miss her warm presence. Not only a stunning woman, my grandmother also possessed an infectious aura that drew many to her side. She made people feel at ease when she spoke to them. Even if she did not remember your name, she would call you "Hon" or "Love," and you felt as if she had known you for your entire life. Of course, I'm quite sure that she always remembered my name. She called dogs "Pussycat" and once owned a cat named "Dog." It was just her special way.

Despite how much I miss my grandmother, especially during mass, I cherish fond memories of her. I resurrected one particular memory while brewing a cup of green tea on a frigid January night. It's often said that a watched pot never boils, yet there I stood, impatiently waiting to drink some nice warm tea, already. I crossed my arms and sighing, thought of the minutes in the near future when I would be forced to wait even further for the tea to steep. What an inconvenience! Forget about my new year's resolution and earnest prayers for patience and peace in my life: I wanted my tea and I wanted it now!

Then a voice whispered in my ear: "Caitlin, the best things come to those who wait." Or maybe it was "Patience is a virtue, Love." Either way, I felt the pang of some healthy Catholic guilt, then the dull ache of missing my grandmother. Only at that moment did a spark of remembrance happen and I finally smiled.

My grandmother, the President of the Women's Club a.k.a. The Most High Queen of the Old Ladies, had invited my mother and I to the Annual Tea Luncheon at the VFW Hall. I was only eight--I not only hated the bitter taste of coffee and tea (blech), but I felt uncomfortable around these sickly-sweet-smelling, blue-haired women. I resisted my gag reflex as I bit into an egg salad tea sandwich. My grandmother did not notice my discomfort, however. She just proudly beamed at her daughters and granddaughters yakking at the table. She demonstrated how to steep the tea (dunk, a-dunk, a-dunk) and cautioned not to put milk in my raspberry tea or it would curdle. When I lifted the cup to take my first sip, I copied her raised pinky, hoping to one day be as elegant as she. I soon remembered one of the reasons I hated tea: it burns your tongue! My cursed impatience to wait for my tea to properly steep and cool resulted in an inability to use my taste buds for the next few days.

As I stood over the stove, almost fifteen years since that day at the Luncheon, a light bulb switched on. I laughed at my eight-year-old self that I still managed to ressemble at 22. I finally understood my grandmother's lesson. Hurry up and wait. If you rush it, you'll get burned. Be patient in all things in life, but especially for your tea to cool. My grandmother somehow continues to teach me lessons about life, about family, and about what really matters. I am not always perfect (or patient), but I am always, always thankful.

Snippet II

I want you to fall desperately, hopelessly, and tirelessly in love, always. To be in love is a great thing. Sometimes it hurts, but then you learn from it. Sometimes it is absolutely out-of-this-world wonderful and nothing can touch you. Either way, it is always worth it. Seek to experience love at least once in your life than never at all. Search for love. Wait for love. Be patient with love. Ask love to come sit in your heart. Be brave and open your heart to love. It is the only transcendental thing we've got on this green earth. Never falter in your quest to love others, and you will be blessed with love in return.

Dear Sixteen

If time travel or reverse time capsules were possible, I would write a letter to my sixteen-year-old self. Here are 17 pieces of advice I would give (sixteen, and one for good luck):

1. You are loved. It may not be the romantic love you are searching for, but all good things will come in time. Therefore, do not take those who love you for granted--your family and friends.

2. Always respect yourself. Carry yourself with dignity, and others will respect you as a result.

3. Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.

4. Be patient and have faith. Don't worry about the future--everything is going to be just fine, I promise!

5. You don't have to take crap from people who are not related to you. Don't be a doormat.

6. Be confident. If you act confident, you will be confident.

7. Do not worry about what other people think about you. Find strength in your identity and the person you know yourself to be deep down.

8. Find friends who will treat you like gold. Likewise, be a good friend.

9. Grandma was right: you are and always will be a princess. Do not let anyone tell you different.

10. Value yourself. You are special. You are unique. You are worth it.

11. Don't do things just because everyone else is doing it. Be your own person.

12. Do not envy others. You don't realize the burdens others bear or issues they struggle with underneath the surface.

13. You were right -- boys are stupid. They were stupid then and they're stupid now. They will continue to be stupid. They won't grow up; they only get older. But don't worry -- continue to have faith that a good man is still out there because I still do.

14. Do not believe everything a boy tells you, especially if it's exactly what you want to hear. Be skeptical, be wary. Boys lie to get what they want!

15. Do not be a hoochie.

16. The strongest of all warriors are these two -- Time and Patience. (Leo Tolstoy)

17. Do not settle. You're sixteen -- dream BIG.

Love always,
You at 23

The Future is Not for Wimps

"Today is the first day of the rest of your life," used to be one of the scariest phrases in English language to me, one year ago. It was frightening because there were always so many different ways in which I could fritter away today, and I always worried that tomorrow might not be okay. Reminiscent of my Grandmother's favorite, "These are the best years of your life," this phrase made me feel that I was wasting this day, somehow. So instead of living it up, I stayed still and worried until all my nails and cuticles were bitten off, in a figurative sense (my nails are actually quite nice). I was frightened into paralysis; there were so many choices and directions in which my life could go. I was so scared of making the wrong decision that I instead made no decisions at all and went nowhere.

I have always wanted to know my future. If only I had a crystal ball...if only those 8-ball thingys actually worked! I often ask myself, "Will things turn out okay for me? Will I achieve my dreams that I want so badly? Will I succeed?" But the truth is that tomorrow is always going to come, whether I am ready for it or not. So I might as well enjoy today and work hard so that I don't have to worry so much about tomorrow and about my future.

Now the phrase, "Today is the first day of the rest of your life!" is something that's really exciting to me. When I hear it, or think it, I smile and imagine all the wonderful possibilities that string of words entails. I know now that it's going to be a long life (at least, I hope and pray that it will be) and that I have lots of time to figure things out. If I had it all figured out at 22, almost 23, I guess that would make the rest of my life pretty boring.

I like to listen to this song when I need a confidence boost: Sing it, B!

A video/speech that helps keep things in perspective: Wear Sunscreen